XaviR: Renegad Angl Krismas SpektakulR
by D-man 523
Summary: X-avier X-avier: Ranegade Angel, on Adult Swim & DVD, learns the true meaning of Christmas!
1. Chapter 1: Scene 1:

**X-Avier: Renegad Angel'z Chrismaz SpektakulR

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Once upon a time, on a relatively nice day...

"My fishyness, this day is so nice, the only way it could get better would be if a fish would fall from the sky and impale me with it's flavor! Ha, ha!" X-Avier said to himself. Suddenly, a small, retarded, boy came up to him. "Duhr. Me want you as friend!" "Oh my. You have no sense of GRAMMAR! It looks like I have yet another student in the world of realsz". X-Avier looked at the boy, not cing his drool and blood stained shirt. "What has happened to you, my young student?!" "Dadda mean" The boy responded. "Oh, I see, you have inflicted upomn yourself these wounds as due you past trauma. What is your name, young student?" "Er..." "Er! What a wonderful name to have been bestowed upon. Anyways, let's get on training with. First, my student Er, you need to learn the rule of I and 'E. I is great, 'E is mean. Do you understand, my young student Er?" "No." "Exellent!" Suddenly, the camera cuts out t o show several thousand bees eating a dead corpse. "AAH!!! That scary!" Er screamed. "I believe you mean 'That scary was". Now, onto lesson two! !!!!!" "AAH! That also scare was me!" "! Okay, that concludes lesson 2." The boy's radioactive brains explode, and X-avier starts on fire. "Hey! What the hell are you doing!" A large jock hollered. "I'm his bro! And you don't mess with Brutes bro!" "Please. I am already on fire. Fire is the enemy of eternety; fire lives, fire dies; fire births, fire kills. What doth fire?" X-Avier responded. Brute started to pound X-avier's face into the ground. "Ah! Why do you hurt those around you? Does it stem from intense **CHILDHOOD PAIN**?!!!(Cuts out to show Computer screaming "Hit him, bitch! Hit him!") Brute whimpers a little, and backs away. "How-how- how d-did you kn-know that-t-t?" He says. "Nevermind that. Where is your birther?" X-avier says. "Wh-who?" "Your mom." "Oh, she lives in that shack over there, with the other 3 kids. Now leave me alone!" Brute then runs away, crying. "What a dill pickle-ated home! I must confront this woman." He busted the door open, only to see a crying old lady. "What is wrong with you, poor, woman lady? I assume you are birther of Brute." "Oh, I don't have enough money to pay for this year's Christmas." The woman said softly. "Christ's mass? What is this 'Christ's mass' that you speak of?"

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**A/N: So, how do you like it? I hope to post future scenes in the near future!**


	2. Chapter 2: Scene 2, Scene 3

**Chapter 2: Scene 1: The Meaning of Christ's mass

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"Oh, Christmas is a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus, our savior & lord". "What? He is my Savior? I must meat him!" X-avier says. Suddenly, Jebus appears out of thin air. "X-avier, you know the road to hell is paved with good intentions." He said. X-avier slapped him with a piece of meat. _If he can appear out of thin air... That means he can defy the laws of physics, whilst still abiding to Newton's Law of Fudge!_ "How can you be, if I am being, and she is being, yet we cannot appear & disappear? Does this mean that there is NOMEANING TO TIME & SPACE?!!" X-aviers head explodes, and reforms out of pudding. "[|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||]", Jebus said. The old lady jumps out of the window and falls on her own shears. Santa appears, in all his fat, fuzziness. "Yo, dog, what up?" Santa says. "What is this strange language you speak of?" X-avier questions. "I's the language of Gs. If you don't like it, smell ma ass!" "OK." He then smells Santa's buttocks. "Dumbass foo! Anyways, me & my Home dog Jeezus can't make it this Christmas. We gotsta hit some clubs, yo!" "Yes. e must search out sinning souls to show them the way." Jesus chimes in. "Yeah... Whateva. So we need you!" "Well... I'll do it! But only if Jebus teaches me how to disappear." X-avier says. "Deal!"

**Chapter 2: Scene 2: X-avier Prepares**

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"Well, I must firstlearn the ways of Satan" X-avier tells Santa. "I'm tellin' ya, foo, ma name's not Satan! It's Santa!" "Now, what is your first lesson, o fat one?" "DON'T CALL ME FAT!" Santa says and grows into giant proportioins, and then shrinks back. "Our first lesson is how to treat the elves. You must treat them with respect, and- screw dis shit. Hey, you elf! You better work harda, bitch, before I put a bullet in yo ass! See, that's how to talk to dem foos." "I see." The elf once again slacks off, and Santa shoots it with his magnum. "OK, now for lesson 2: the Reindeer. First, you've gotta get on it. Then, you whip 'em." As he says this, he whips some Reindeer with a Cat o' Nine Tails. "Now, they'll just fly." As he says THAT, the Reindeer start to fly. "Alright, biatch, now let's see if you can do it." He says and guides the Reindeer back down. X-avier hugs their bellies, and then whips himself. "Foo. Now, onto our final lesson: Delivering the presents. Them children are greedy bitches, and each one gets 3 boxes. All dem boxes are in these fattass bags. Each one has an address on 'em, and you deliver 'em to the right address or someone's gonne get PISSED! Oh, and whatever you do, don't deliver any presents to Iraq. DO NOT!!!"


	3. Chapter 3: Scene 4, Scene 5, Scene 6

**Chapter 3: The Final Chapter of the Life of X-avier, Avenger of Santa  
Scene 1: The Death of A Santa  
**X-avier was a fool. Really?! You like _Tool?_

"I thought you said there would be hos, hos, hos! YOU, are a liar, Satan!" X-avier says while Santa slowly dies a horrible, gory, mysterious death. It was Brendan Fraser's fault. Fucker. "Satan? Oh no- I am on my own! I shall take upon the task at hand, and avenge Santa's death!"  
**Scene 2: Let the Marymint begin  
**It was midnght; 'twas a stormy night, too. Mr. T says "I pity the foo".

X-avier mounted the sleigh, and went off into the night. "To the Wardhergen der Venkerjerk's home!" He yelled into the night. He finally arived at the Wardhergen der Venkerjerk's abode a few hours later; damn faulty JRZ(Jerk Rally Zeta) directions! Carefully creeping into the home, he paid no heed to the man inside getting up for some late-night work. "What the hell are you doin' in here?!" the man asked him. X-avier stared at him for only a moment. "I am explororing my inner philisophical quandrys by masquerading as a man you do not believe exists or ever has." he responded. "What the fuck? You're about to experience some DAMAGE!" The man then began beating X-avier into a pulp. "Fine! I am veangefull, so you shall recieve no presents!" "Wait a minute... Are you supposed to be Santa?! You dirty son of a bitch!" And the man continued to beat him. The man's family came in, wondering what all the hubbub was about. "What's all the hubbub about, honey?" A pair of Siamese twins askes. "Er... Nothin'!" the man says and throws X-avier out the window. "Curses. My inner theories worked like nothing against him."

**Scene 3: The Santa Avenger that Couldn't  
**X-avier would try again, alas. Did you know that even _Santa_ has to pass gas?  
"Second time's the charm!" X-avier said to himself. He walked over to the next house, and knocked about 50 times with his hooves, really loud. "What the FUCK is all that gol durn racket?!!" A man with a southern drawl screamed. "'Tis I, Satan!" X-avier bellowed. "What the hell?! Satan's come 'round? Aw, shit!" X-avier heard a gun being cooked(Misspellation intentional, as to further confuse you. And you.). All of a sudden, gunshots were everywhere, and one shot X-avier in the shoulder. "Oh no! The most fatal of wounds! I am confident that I shall pass into a better being, and learn the true secret of life. But why would I need to know the meaning of life if I do not live? WHY?!!"...and then he dies.


End file.
